HOW TO BE AN ARTIST

so today didn't exactly go as planned. stayed @ mii's till 12.30 am. left my cell phone in her bed and i didn't realize it. because of this, my alarm on my phone didn't go off and i woke up @ 10am for my 10am class. so i was 35 mins late to class. instead of stressing out all day, im gonna take this little glitch in my day as a sign that im gonna have an even better night.
good food, discount drinks, laughs & dancing? thats the way i like to spend my tuesday night. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR & MIILEAH! thanx for giving me a reason to celebrate.

heres something random i found yesterday and didn't have time to post.
its called how to be an artist.

stay loose. learn to watch snails. plant impossible gardens. invite someone dangerous to tea. make little signs that say yes! and post them all over your house. make friends with freedom & uncertainty. look forward to dreams. cry during movies. swing as high as you can on a swingset,by moonlight. cultivate moods. refuse to "be responsible." do it for love. take lots of naps. give money away. do it now. the money will follow. believe in magic. laugh a lot. celebrate every gorgeous moment. take moonbaths. have wild imaginings, transformative dreams, and perfect calm. draw on the walls. read everyday. imagine yourself magic. giggle with children. listen to old people. open up. dive in. be free. bless yourself. drive away fear. play with everything. entertain your inner child. you are innocent. build a fort with blankets. get wet. hug trees. write love letters.

ying yang

lately i've been trying to find balance.
between simp & pimp.
between good & bad.
between nice & mean.
conform & stand out.
passive & aggressive.
and as always,
between wants & needs.

life runs smoothly when things are in balance.
it just takes the right amount of planning & energy.
i need to take the time to fit in walking the dog, class, homework, exercise, cooking, taylor, michael & brandon everyday.

over the past few years, i've become more complex. this is what has fueled my imbalance. as i grew out of my shyness and into a more self assured adult, ive begun to take risks. i've made mistakes and learned from them. some habits are hard to break. the next two years are going to be a challenge. but i have the motivation needed and if i play my cards right, i may have an added bonus for acting right.

i hope everyone else has the correct motivation to make it thru the day.
too many people are depressed, unhappy, and angry. cheer up! life's too short to waste time being negative!

deep convos, awkward moments, & nudity

those are the things that defined my last week.
boobs, bare ass, yelling, going hard, searching for gas, laughing till i cry, conversations on love lust & rape, going places i shouldn't go, clothes and runway walks, and lots of drinks.
its been a LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG week.
and I'm sure this one will be just as long.
I'm exhausted but i have to go to class.
right

now.

ttyl

refocus.

i FINALLY have internet again.
now i can order my mommy some flowers (or a plant) for her birthday.
i can do my homework.
i can order my books.
&& i can find solutions for all the random issues i need help with (mostly lola)
yay!
once i get my camera fixed, a mani/pedi, and my hair done, the universe will be back to regular rotation
this blog will be updated on a regular basis again! yay

without.

when im @ home, my wireless doesn't work, so i have to steal from my neighbor (thanx o'ryan!) and i was looking forward to coming back to my apt and being able to get on the internet on a regular basis. BUT of course that wasn't the case. the only person with internet is erin.
so on top of all the things LOLA has been destroying, i cant look up solutions to my problems. needless to say, i've been having a very rough first week of school.
i miss the few friends i spent time with over the summer. i miss my lover and my boobulah who keep me calm and sane!

i've been on edge. i have wanted to go hard on so many people, including friends, this past weekend. its a problem. so if i don't seem happy, stay out of my way, and don't make any smart remarks that you think i wont catch, because i will (i did.) and it may come back to kick your ass in the long run.

(you're so vain, i bet you think this blog is about you.)

ill be back when i get the internet again

blah.

not even back and its already started again. who am i gonna have to find to keep me from feeling alone this time?
i'm not trying to seclude myself, you're just never including me in anything. i'm gonna try to get better and not ignore you or purposely not including you just because you do it to me.

instead of complaining, im gonna spend time with my dog. im gonna work out. im gonna go to work. im gonna study.
we can continue to live so close but yet so far.

weekend.

GREAT weekend.
i didnt have to work
i went shopping
free slurpie day mission with michael (we went to @ least 5 7-11's in less than an hr)
burnt mission with erin & co.

thoughts on a wednesday.

Ii'm sick of right now. Is that bad? I'm just ready for some kind of future. I'm ready for graduation. A real job, one I can support myself with. I'm ready to be ready for love. And I understand that I can't skip over everything, but I'm ready to go 2 school in the fall and start being a cocktail waitress and having a new puppy to love. LA just seems so...unproductive. I'm not making enough money, half of my friends are flakes and most of the ppl I can get to see are the ones I can only take in small doses. One good thing is the block is back and I'm getting closer with one friend in particular.
Oh and I get a discount @ victorias secret (just cause I'm celibate doesn't mean I can't update my lingerie collection).
So until I'm on a plane back 2 the middle of lameville with my new puppy, I guess I should lay low and concentrate on not starting another situation to obsess over.
I need a new book to read. Any suggestions?

disappointment.

i'm ready to leave. i'm not gonna say i haven't been having fun, but overall i'm disappointed. i feel unproductive, my job sucks and i have horrible hrs. its not paying me enough. i need to pay for a dog and a trip to ny. plus, this city is reminding me of old disappointments, and i'm starting to think i have another one on the way if i don't leave soon. this is the product of me not having enough to do out here. i think too much. and im getting fat. i need to work on my patience. thats gonna be next years resolution.
i have a lot more to say, but i don't kno how to say it, or if i want to say it so i won't.
ciao!

oh! erin and i are going to have a garage sale soon and a few car washes so support us! thaaaanx

Happy 4th of July!

this has never been my favorite holiday, but in the past 2 years i've missed it! if u grew up with me than you remember the pool parties with the parents and the little kids (who are all in HIGH SCHOOL now) the water fights, tag, and of course the fireworks.
2 years ago i missed it because i was on a plane to Paris and last year kinda sucked. so this year we are gonna do it big, bbq, water fight, and i'm making peach blueberry cobbler!
hopefully i DONT have to go to work...but other than that it should be an awesome day!
you're welcome to come over and enjoy it with us, but don't come empty handed lol.

OK GO

Where Have I been you may ask your self but, don't worry about all that baby.To start off I'm madly in love with this guy named Taylor..... dude is the fucking best. like think of the best you have ever met and he's way better than that. Thats my nigga. Metrosexuals are actually gay. Grow some chest hair and let that beard hang. i'm tired of these Clay Achen type dudes. changing gears does anyone have a copy of the Paris Hilton Sex tape? My bathroom is almost down, about a week more to go. I cant wait to have my mornings back to myself. Ehh thats all on my mind for now.

married with 2 kids @ 19?

on thursday, Erin & i went to melrose to hang out.
it was like 100 degrees, we were out of jamba juice and dying. so we start going into stores just because they have air conditioning. as we are walking this man asks us to look @ his clothes and tell him what we think.
he has air so we say sure.

all i see are rhinestones everywhere. he says that most of it is made with swarovski crystals. pshhh. we jokingly pick out the ugliest things to say they are cute and try to find a time to escape. he starts talking to some man and we try to sneak past. didn't work. he stops us and says there was something else. his uncle died and left him 4mil. but the only way he can get it is to get married by his next birthday. he says hes willing to split it with me. oh and we have to have 2 kids, and his birthday is next week.
this man is crazy....but if any of you are gold diggers, i am not against introducing u to him.....i get a finders fee : ).
anyways i thought that was unusual.
I'm low key bored right now. i need to get out the house but its too hot. i was supposed to go to the chiropractor but it was too far for me to drive in the heat. come visit me before work!

im just rambling now so im done. ciao!

happy fathers day.

Since its fathers day, I've been thinking about my dads. If u kno me/my complicated, disfunctional family, then u kno that I'm blessed enough to have 2 dads. For most of my life I clashed with my stepdad and thought my dad was awesome, even tho I barely saw him. In recent years it came out how many people tried to keep us from having a normal relationship, so we started an unconventional one.

But things have changed.

My stepdad and I are on the same page for once. He isn't trying to control me and he trusts me. We may not understand each other, but we have accepted our differences. Sadly, I have barely spoken to my real dad this year. He's let me down.

I've been struggling with the decision of calling him today. I went to the 8am service @ my church for the first time and it helped me decide. I'm going to call him.

Happy fathers day!

i actually have a topic for this one.

dreams.

most people love dreaming, but i don't. for about a year i would hope that i had a dream free night. i kno taylor has wonderful dreams that inspire him & his films. thats never the case anymore. in 07 every time i would have a dream it would be related to the same situation that i just couldn't seem to get over. the main issue was, when i thought i had moved on, i would have a dream that would make me wake up in just as much pain as when i was going thru the situation. i'm finally over that thank goodness. but this week i've been having dreams. they weren't all bad, in fact one was awesome but the others weren't, they've been all over the place. lately i have been dreaming about celebrities, ex best friends, best friends, enemies, enemies of my best friends, and other random things that make me wake up confuzzled. i would love to just have dreamless nights every night instead of my mind trying to interpret my day or tell me what my heart wants, or warn me of the future or whatever it is that dreams do.

oh yea! i finally got a job! yay

overview

these past couple of weeks have been...eventful.
miami. sex in the city. brazilian food. getting "busted". losing my bathroom and sleep. looking for a job. matinee's with taylor. six flags with alisha. burnt mission. LENDREK...hahahaha. piercings. GLOW IN THE DARK TOUR (amazing).
plus tons of laughter, baking & drinks.

hundreds of new memories, but no pictures. (my mom has kidnapped my camera until further notice)
i only regret 2 things, that i couldn't see a few more people that i miss, and that i never found out "chris browns" real name.
i dont really feel like typing anymore.
g'night