more than a distant memory

electric blankets. silent night. early dinner. noel. iridescent hearts. mary poppins. taco bell commercial. 11 o clock news. kings corner. looney toons. ramen noodles. butterflies. double bed. purple tile. puzzles. routine.

miss you.
love you.
forever.

ending the life of a MG

i always have so much to say but no way to say them. the whole point of a blog is self expression, but as my twin once said " i don't kno how to start the hi". theres always so much to do and so many things going thru my mind. but the only way to start the hi is to say hi, so i might as well get it over with.
i wouldn't have guessed that moving to nashville would put me in contact with so many fake people, esp since im from LA. i can fake it with the best of em, but why would i want to?
in LA it makes sense, you act nice to get what u need, to network, thats it. out here it seems like you just have to be fake. and i dont see the point of that. and i feel like the longer im out here, the longer i have to pretend. im just ready to be real. i feel like Kanye in Pinocchio story. at the end of the day i would rather be real, not mean, and not have to pretend that i am friends with people im not friends with or that i like people that i wouldn't have had contact with in any other situation. but i kno im gonna need the votes in the near future. its only a year. Luckily i do have a handful of people i can be real with, all the time. and they are stuck in this fake world with me. plus i have people outside of fakeville who keep me sane.

sociology class.

i need these clips for class and its much easier if i post em all here....just ignore this post for a few day...thanx!

kill bill


saw scene


ms congenality

:(

this is one of my least favorite days of the year. i don't feel right if i don't have some kind of remorse about today. so if you see a sadness in my eyes, or you hear it in my voice, don't worry, I'll be back to normal tomorrow, i just need to be sad today.

its 9.50 am and its my m----er fu--in birthday!!!
im still intoxicated from last night and im excited to see what happens next!
i will share details later, i.e. after my birthday when im sober.
ciao!

4 days left.

i refuse to let someone else's pettiness/ issues/ depression/ anger/ etc. to indirectly affect me and my happiness. i believe everyone has their days, even weeks, but i wont let you slide for a month on anything other than the loss of a CAREER or a death of someone near to you.
i'm not the confrontational type, but there's only so much that i can let go before you either get cussed out or simply cease to exist. both reactions usually result in a swift termination of friendship.
that's just how i feel. if people keep trying to bring me down with them, i wont get mad or depressed like others, i will simply get rid of the negative influence.
remember kids, you probably need me more than i need you.

back to studying....

its cold, its sunday, these are my thoughts.

i woke up this morning with a feeling of impending doom.
(mayb i watch too much greys)
it makes me want to lock myself in my room for the rest of the week without contact with the outside world.
times are changing in wonderful ways and its scary.
we have a black president and i just filled up my gas tank, from E to FULL, with 27 dollars. that has never happened in to me since i started driving.
mayb the myans were right an the world is going to end soon.
...idk.
all i know is if it is, i don't wanna waste time being depressed like my surroundings are influencing me to be.
carpe diem.

6 days till my birthday!

unfinished thoughts.

this post will probably only make sense to me...and that's ok.
i'm sick of the transition. i wanna be there already. if i cant be there then i wanna go back to where i was. i just don't like HERE. i've heard you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, but i don't want the other fish. pimpin' ain't easy my breezy. its amazing that something so unreal can have such an impact. its the power of an idea i guess. i spent all day gushing about love and in 2.5 seconds it turned into disgust. and then i remember that i'm supposed to love you. for those of you trying to understand me, don't. its not what it seems, it rarely is. unless you think i'm laughing at you, that might be true. why would i have cake if i couldn't eat it too? i'm over you on the inside, i just don't want to be over you deep down. i need to get over that. i was happy ALL day. i need to get these snacks on deck, but as much as i think i disserve them, i kinda don't want them. but i need birthday gifts. i think i need some PP too. dont try to guess those initials, you're guess is wrong. i'm not sure i'm the right one for the position but i kinda hope i am. unfortunately i'm tired of you but you're all i have to work with, so i grin and bare it knowing that i've done it before and that its only temporary. i expect too much.

had to add this!

my president is BLACK

Obama's speech ended minutes ago and i have tears in my eyes. Im proud of our country. we are ready for any and everything. today was a historic day that i am not going to forget. this is the first of many necessary changes.

YES WE CAN!!!!

HOW TO BE AN ARTIST

so today didn't exactly go as planned. stayed @ mii's till 12.30 am. left my cell phone in her bed and i didn't realize it. because of this, my alarm on my phone didn't go off and i woke up @ 10am for my 10am class. so i was 35 mins late to class. instead of stressing out all day, im gonna take this little glitch in my day as a sign that im gonna have an even better night.
good food, discount drinks, laughs & dancing? thats the way i like to spend my tuesday night. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR & MIILEAH! thanx for giving me a reason to celebrate.

heres something random i found yesterday and didn't have time to post.
its called how to be an artist.

stay loose. learn to watch snails. plant impossible gardens. invite someone dangerous to tea. make little signs that say yes! and post them all over your house. make friends with freedom & uncertainty. look forward to dreams. cry during movies. swing as high as you can on a swingset,by moonlight. cultivate moods. refuse to "be responsible." do it for love. take lots of naps. give money away. do it now. the money will follow. believe in magic. laugh a lot. celebrate every gorgeous moment. take moonbaths. have wild imaginings, transformative dreams, and perfect calm. draw on the walls. read everyday. imagine yourself magic. giggle with children. listen to old people. open up. dive in. be free. bless yourself. drive away fear. play with everything. entertain your inner child. you are innocent. build a fort with blankets. get wet. hug trees. write love letters.

ying yang

lately i've been trying to find balance.
between simp & pimp.
between good & bad.
between nice & mean.
conform & stand out.
passive & aggressive.
and as always,
between wants & needs.

life runs smoothly when things are in balance.
it just takes the right amount of planning & energy.
i need to take the time to fit in walking the dog, class, homework, exercise, cooking, taylor, michael & brandon everyday.

over the past few years, i've become more complex. this is what has fueled my imbalance. as i grew out of my shyness and into a more self assured adult, ive begun to take risks. i've made mistakes and learned from them. some habits are hard to break. the next two years are going to be a challenge. but i have the motivation needed and if i play my cards right, i may have an added bonus for acting right.

i hope everyone else has the correct motivation to make it thru the day.
too many people are depressed, unhappy, and angry. cheer up! life's too short to waste time being negative!

deep convos, awkward moments, & nudity

those are the things that defined my last week.
boobs, bare ass, yelling, going hard, searching for gas, laughing till i cry, conversations on love lust & rape, going places i shouldn't go, clothes and runway walks, and lots of drinks.
its been a LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG week.
and I'm sure this one will be just as long.
I'm exhausted but i have to go to class.
right

now.

ttyl

refocus.

i FINALLY have internet again.
now i can order my mommy some flowers (or a plant) for her birthday.
i can do my homework.
i can order my books.
&& i can find solutions for all the random issues i need help with (mostly lola)
yay!
once i get my camera fixed, a mani/pedi, and my hair done, the universe will be back to regular rotation
this blog will be updated on a regular basis again! yay

without.

when im @ home, my wireless doesn't work, so i have to steal from my neighbor (thanx o'ryan!) and i was looking forward to coming back to my apt and being able to get on the internet on a regular basis. BUT of course that wasn't the case. the only person with internet is erin.
so on top of all the things LOLA has been destroying, i cant look up solutions to my problems. needless to say, i've been having a very rough first week of school.
i miss the few friends i spent time with over the summer. i miss my lover and my boobulah who keep me calm and sane!

i've been on edge. i have wanted to go hard on so many people, including friends, this past weekend. its a problem. so if i don't seem happy, stay out of my way, and don't make any smart remarks that you think i wont catch, because i will (i did.) and it may come back to kick your ass in the long run.

(you're so vain, i bet you think this blog is about you.)

ill be back when i get the internet again