sorry to those of you who actually read my blog. its been the longest 2.5 weeks EVERRRRRRRR!
ill try to explain what ive been up to very briefly....
FINALS
paper cuts
lost phones
no sleep
sickness
snow
studying
cheat sheets
step shows
plane rides
awkward situations
campaign stuff
THEN i came home
NO internet
still sick
rain
CRAZY MAN
-aye dios mio
ive been working with a performance coach for the past week and he is crazy!
i would have to deal with him for wayyyyyyy too many hours.
it is CLEAR from my previous posts, that i have a pretty low tolerance for
unnecessary people right about now...
plus his breath stinks.....
NO JOB (VS is on that ish)
and i still have barely spent time with my friends....
that being said, i survived and am thankful that its Christmas time. i got most of my shopping done and ive gotten to spend time with my family....
time to get back to a christmas story and making cookies (you better get em before they're gone taylor!)
MERRY CHRISTMAS
12.25.2008
12.10.2008
I'm sneaky
most people who meet me can tell that they don't wanna cross me because they can tell im capable of things. i'm a scorpio, i'm quick witted, jealous, and creative. i try not to use my powers for evil but people keep trying to push me to the dark side! here i am trying to be a good friend, trying to be nice, trying to stop cursing, and trying to be successful and females cant help but get mad over nothing! why are you so concerned with what im doing?!?
this happens to me too much for it to be a considence!
the thing is i don't expect EVERYONE to like me.
but i'm not a fake person and i appreciate it when the people i dislike/ those who dislike me, don't try to pretend like we're best friends. my #1 enemy and I really cant stand each other and if given the opportunity, on the right day, we could do some serious damage, but we have learned to co-exist peacefully and try to avoid each other. this fake bull crap that happens to people i USED to call my close friends is dumb. im not going to call you or run up and hug you when i see you because i kno that you were lying about me, talking ish, and/or plotting against me behind my back. im a PRO when it comes to catching the signs of the fake friend. i don't kno what brings it on, or what ive done to offend you, in the past its been over something dumb...a boy that they like, likes me or my hair is longer than theirs so they call me concieted etc etc but this just doesn't make sense.
yet again i'm thankful for those of you who are truthful and don't try to front. friendship is a two way street and i don't wanna use you or be used by you.
if any of my ex friends or fake friends are reading this and want to come clean, go for it. i promise it wont hurt my feelings.
this happens to me too much for it to be a considence!
the thing is i don't expect EVERYONE to like me.
but i'm not a fake person and i appreciate it when the people i dislike/ those who dislike me, don't try to pretend like we're best friends. my #1 enemy and I really cant stand each other and if given the opportunity, on the right day, we could do some serious damage, but we have learned to co-exist peacefully and try to avoid each other. this fake bull crap that happens to people i USED to call my close friends is dumb. im not going to call you or run up and hug you when i see you because i kno that you were lying about me, talking ish, and/or plotting against me behind my back. im a PRO when it comes to catching the signs of the fake friend. i don't kno what brings it on, or what ive done to offend you, in the past its been over something dumb...a boy that they like, likes me or my hair is longer than theirs so they call me concieted etc etc but this just doesn't make sense.
yet again i'm thankful for those of you who are truthful and don't try to front. friendship is a two way street and i don't wanna use you or be used by you.
if any of my ex friends or fake friends are reading this and want to come clean, go for it. i promise it wont hurt my feelings.
12.08.2008
weekly ramblings
as happy as i'm trying to be, i cant help but have a few moments of regret and sadness every now and then. i'm only human. i LOVE where my life is headed, but the present isnt moving fast enough and part of me misses the past.
so many things ended so quickly and so badly. that's the thing about me, i'm very go hard or go home. i don't half way do things, i'm either your friend or i'm not, you either exist or you don't. its nearly impossible to come back from not existing lol. once i cut someone out of my life, i don't answer their calls/ i change their name to don't answer, i block them on aim, facebook, and myspace, and if i see you walking i will walk the other way. as harsh as it sounds, its necessary. i haven't talked to or seen some people in over a year and i still miss them. that's no good. i've lost friends and family both because of death and because unhealthy one sided relationships needed to be terminated, regardless of how much i love a person, there is a time when you have to remove yourself from destructive people. i won't let you bring me down with you nor will i let you hold me back from success. its hard enough as it is to be me without the extra hazards that some people bring. so incase some of you people from the past stumble upon this blog, no hard feelings, it was fun while it lasted but deep down we both know that we couldn't remain in each others lives. mayb in the future, when we are both fully grown, happy, successful and maybe married with kids, we can be friends like we used to be, you wont be in my wedding like we used to think, and i don't plan to be in yours, if i'm even invited.
those of you who are my friends know that i appreciate you. i will go to great lengths for my real friends and cant wait to see what kind of random burnt missions we get into this Christmas break!
get ready for ice skating, mulligans, and of course the yearly bonfire!
so many things ended so quickly and so badly. that's the thing about me, i'm very go hard or go home. i don't half way do things, i'm either your friend or i'm not, you either exist or you don't. its nearly impossible to come back from not existing lol. once i cut someone out of my life, i don't answer their calls/ i change their name to don't answer, i block them on aim, facebook, and myspace, and if i see you walking i will walk the other way. as harsh as it sounds, its necessary. i haven't talked to or seen some people in over a year and i still miss them. that's no good. i've lost friends and family both because of death and because unhealthy one sided relationships needed to be terminated, regardless of how much i love a person, there is a time when you have to remove yourself from destructive people. i won't let you bring me down with you nor will i let you hold me back from success. its hard enough as it is to be me without the extra hazards that some people bring. so incase some of you people from the past stumble upon this blog, no hard feelings, it was fun while it lasted but deep down we both know that we couldn't remain in each others lives. mayb in the future, when we are both fully grown, happy, successful and maybe married with kids, we can be friends like we used to be, you wont be in my wedding like we used to think, and i don't plan to be in yours, if i'm even invited.
those of you who are my friends know that i appreciate you. i will go to great lengths for my real friends and cant wait to see what kind of random burnt missions we get into this Christmas break!
get ready for ice skating, mulligans, and of course the yearly bonfire!
12.07.2008
its the most wonderful time of the year.
despite the obvious stress and drama that happens around the end of the school year, i've managed to come out of the past week fairly happy. i was able to get hostess to come help me with my TV (dorks are awesome), i finally got to play my wii, the victoria's secret fashion show came on, grey's anatomy came on and i got to go out with my twin! im exausted tho. drinking and partying and looking good is exausting. plus its time for finals, which im sure most of you are experiencing. i need to be studying but i cant stay awake! plus i need to work on my campaign! so much to do in so little time.
but ill be home in exactly a week! so no more cold weather, fake friends, or being hungry for 3 weeks! plus there is a new addition to our family that i cant wait to meet!
i kno my previous posts have been a little...angry to say the least. i'm over it tho, i said all i can say and i refuse to let other people to have a large affect on my happiness. i hope everyone else is able to to do the same. with that being said, good luck on finals and Christmas shopping!
but ill be home in exactly a week! so no more cold weather, fake friends, or being hungry for 3 weeks! plus there is a new addition to our family that i cant wait to meet!
i kno my previous posts have been a little...angry to say the least. i'm over it tho, i said all i can say and i refuse to let other people to have a large affect on my happiness. i hope everyone else is able to to do the same. with that being said, good luck on finals and Christmas shopping!
12.01.2008
they smile in your face...
I try not to hate people, but I still can't help but hate the things people continue to do.
I hate when people treat others differently because of situations their other friend has going on with the person.
If we were/are friends, don't let something that doesn't affect you, affect us. We all probably did this in high school...but since I'm in my 3rd year of college, I've grown out of that foolishness and I hope most of my friends have too. That being said, don't expect me to dislike someone simply because you don't like them.
Another issue, why are some people only your friend in large groups? I don't understand how to be considered a friend if we aren't really friends...aquantiance mayb, but not a friend. A friend is someone whom I can go to with a question/issue without worrying about being judged and they should feel comfortable to do the same.
These realizations have let me realize who my friends really are. Its great when u kno who ur friends are, but it sucks when u have to face who your friends aren't. At the end of the day, I've never had a hard time making friends and losing some of these people who have ben masquerading as friends of mine can't hurt me.
I guess I should start to pay more attn in class....ttyl
P.S. I finally stayed on topic! Yay me
I hate when people treat others differently because of situations their other friend has going on with the person.
If we were/are friends, don't let something that doesn't affect you, affect us. We all probably did this in high school...but since I'm in my 3rd year of college, I've grown out of that foolishness and I hope most of my friends have too. That being said, don't expect me to dislike someone simply because you don't like them.
Another issue, why are some people only your friend in large groups? I don't understand how to be considered a friend if we aren't really friends...aquantiance mayb, but not a friend. A friend is someone whom I can go to with a question/issue without worrying about being judged and they should feel comfortable to do the same.
These realizations have let me realize who my friends really are. Its great when u kno who ur friends are, but it sucks when u have to face who your friends aren't. At the end of the day, I've never had a hard time making friends and losing some of these people who have ben masquerading as friends of mine can't hurt me.
I guess I should start to pay more attn in class....ttyl
P.S. I finally stayed on topic! Yay me
more than a distant memory
electric blankets. silent night. early dinner. noel. iridescent hearts. mary poppins. taco bell commercial. 11 o clock news. kings corner. looney toons. ramen noodles. butterflies. double bed. purple tile. puzzles. routine.
miss you.
love you.
forever.
miss you.
love you.
forever.
11.29.2008
ending the life of a MG
i always have so much to say but no way to say them. the whole point of a blog is self expression, but as my twin once said " i don't kno how to start the hi". theres always so much to do and so many things going thru my mind. but the only way to start the hi is to say hi, so i might as well get it over with.
i wouldn't have guessed that moving to nashville would put me in contact with so many fake people, esp since im from LA. i can fake it with the best of em, but why would i want to?
in LA it makes sense, you act nice to get what u need, to network, thats it. out here it seems like you just have to be fake. and i dont see the point of that. and i feel like the longer im out here, the longer i have to pretend. im just ready to be real. i feel like Kanye in Pinocchio story. at the end of the day i would rather be real, not mean, and not have to pretend that i am friends with people im not friends with or that i like people that i wouldn't have had contact with in any other situation. but i kno im gonna need the votes in the near future. its only a year. Luckily i do have a handful of people i can be real with, all the time. and they are stuck in this fake world with me. plus i have people outside of fakeville who keep me sane.
i wouldn't have guessed that moving to nashville would put me in contact with so many fake people, esp since im from LA. i can fake it with the best of em, but why would i want to?
in LA it makes sense, you act nice to get what u need, to network, thats it. out here it seems like you just have to be fake. and i dont see the point of that. and i feel like the longer im out here, the longer i have to pretend. im just ready to be real. i feel like Kanye in Pinocchio story. at the end of the day i would rather be real, not mean, and not have to pretend that i am friends with people im not friends with or that i like people that i wouldn't have had contact with in any other situation. but i kno im gonna need the votes in the near future. its only a year. Luckily i do have a handful of people i can be real with, all the time. and they are stuck in this fake world with me. plus i have people outside of fakeville who keep me sane.
11.16.2008
sociology class.
i need these clips for class and its much easier if i post em all here....just ignore this post for a few day...thanx!
kill bill
saw scene
ms congenality
kill bill
saw scene
ms congenality
:(
this is one of my least favorite days of the year. i don't feel right if i don't have some kind of remorse about today. so if you see a sadness in my eyes, or you hear it in my voice, don't worry, I'll be back to normal tomorrow, i just need to be sad today.
11.15.2008
11.11.2008
4 days left.
i refuse to let someone else's pettiness/ issues/ depression/ anger/ etc. to indirectly affect me and my happiness. i believe everyone has their days, even weeks, but i wont let you slide for a month on anything other than the loss of a CAREER or a death of someone near to you.
i'm not the confrontational type, but there's only so much that i can let go before you either get cussed out or simply cease to exist. both reactions usually result in a swift termination of friendship.
that's just how i feel. if people keep trying to bring me down with them, i wont get mad or depressed like others, i will simply get rid of the negative influence.
remember kids, you probably need me more than i need you.
back to studying....
i'm not the confrontational type, but there's only so much that i can let go before you either get cussed out or simply cease to exist. both reactions usually result in a swift termination of friendship.
that's just how i feel. if people keep trying to bring me down with them, i wont get mad or depressed like others, i will simply get rid of the negative influence.
remember kids, you probably need me more than i need you.
back to studying....
11.09.2008
its cold, its sunday, these are my thoughts.
i woke up this morning with a feeling of impending doom.
(mayb i watch too much greys)
it makes me want to lock myself in my room for the rest of the week without contact with the outside world.
times are changing in wonderful ways and its scary.
we have a black president and i just filled up my gas tank, from E to FULL, with 27 dollars. that has never happened in to me since i started driving.
mayb the myans were right an the world is going to end soon.
...idk.
all i know is if it is, i don't wanna waste time being depressed like my surroundings are influencing me to be.
carpe diem.
6 days till my birthday!
(mayb i watch too much greys)
it makes me want to lock myself in my room for the rest of the week without contact with the outside world.
times are changing in wonderful ways and its scary.
we have a black president and i just filled up my gas tank, from E to FULL, with 27 dollars. that has never happened in to me since i started driving.
mayb the myans were right an the world is going to end soon.
...idk.
all i know is if it is, i don't wanna waste time being depressed like my surroundings are influencing me to be.
carpe diem.
6 days till my birthday!
11.06.2008
unfinished thoughts.
this post will probably only make sense to me...and that's ok.
i'm sick of the transition. i wanna be there already. if i cant be there then i wanna go back to where i was. i just don't like HERE. i've heard you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, but i don't want the other fish. pimpin' ain't easy my breezy. its amazing that something so unreal can have such an impact. its the power of an idea i guess. i spent all day gushing about love and in 2.5 seconds it turned into disgust. and then i remember that i'm supposed to love you. for those of you trying to understand me, don't. its not what it seems, it rarely is. unless you think i'm laughing at you, that might be true. why would i have cake if i couldn't eat it too? i'm over you on the inside, i just don't want to be over you deep down. i need to get over that. i was happy ALL day. i need to get these snacks on deck, but as much as i think i disserve them, i kinda don't want them. but i need birthday gifts. i think i need some PP too. dont try to guess those initials, you're guess is wrong. i'm not sure i'm the right one for the position but i kinda hope i am. unfortunately i'm tired of you but you're all i have to work with, so i grin and bare it knowing that i've done it before and that its only temporary. i expect too much.
i'm sick of the transition. i wanna be there already. if i cant be there then i wanna go back to where i was. i just don't like HERE. i've heard you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, but i don't want the other fish. pimpin' ain't easy my breezy. its amazing that something so unreal can have such an impact. its the power of an idea i guess. i spent all day gushing about love and in 2.5 seconds it turned into disgust. and then i remember that i'm supposed to love you. for those of you trying to understand me, don't. its not what it seems, it rarely is. unless you think i'm laughing at you, that might be true. why would i have cake if i couldn't eat it too? i'm over you on the inside, i just don't want to be over you deep down. i need to get over that. i was happy ALL day. i need to get these snacks on deck, but as much as i think i disserve them, i kinda don't want them. but i need birthday gifts. i think i need some PP too. dont try to guess those initials, you're guess is wrong. i'm not sure i'm the right one for the position but i kinda hope i am. unfortunately i'm tired of you but you're all i have to work with, so i grin and bare it knowing that i've done it before and that its only temporary. i expect too much.
11.04.2008
my president is BLACK
Obama's speech ended minutes ago and i have tears in my eyes. Im proud of our country. we are ready for any and everything. today was a historic day that i am not going to forget. this is the first of many necessary changes.
YES WE CAN!!!!
YES WE CAN!!!!
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