how can i sleep...

a day like today followed by a night like tonight?
so i ran around all day.
had a million unnecessary calls...
decided to go out with my twin...always a good idea.
get to this club....turns out instead of 21+ its more like 40+.
try to get a lemondrop martini...girl suggests a pineapple martini instead...i cant taste any alcohol. try to leave and get harassed by this man with SEVERE HALITOSIS. i mean it was like this man ate poo for dinner. ugh. and he kept talking to us for like 20 mins....we finally leave and go to this kappa party.
the kappa party is so lame. i missed the memo about wearing red/white. people are wearing linen summer white on a rainy day in feb like its alright. patent pleather WHITE boots. pocket sized men. 1 free strong ass long island. and then i find out that the guy i have been letting entertain me is with the biggest slut i kno.



awesome. the sluts win again.

we finally leave. its raining. we decide to call it a night.
i drop off my twin and call B. then i get pulled over and almost get a DUI.
yes. A DUI.
that would make 2 tickets in 4 days, a trip to jail, and no more driving.

thank goodness the lord wouldn't put me thru THAT much in one week and the guy let me off. i was scared out of my mind tho. hope everyone else had an eventful friday...

sigh.

i hate feeling like this.
ive exausted myself trying to keep from crying all day.
i hate crying and i refuse to do it.
stress is no fun.

murphy's law.

of course this has been the month from hell. im so glad its almost over.
i dont feel like going over the entire month of feb and everything that went wrong. the point is, ive had a test or two everyday since last thurs. i wasnt prepared for my tests. my campaign is in less than 2 weeks and im not ready because i cant find antwan hamilton. anyways. i was on my way to take my test last night. it was scheduled for 6.25pm. i was speeding more than usual because i had a lot on my mind and wasnt paying attention. i ended up getting a ticket & court date for may 6th (when i was planning to be home for the summer) because i was going 81 in a 55. super. fail.
because of the ticket, i was late for my test and i forgot everything that was on it. awesome.
but luckily when everything goes wrong, GOD lets something go right and since im just THAT awesome i came up with a way to pay for the $145 ticket as well as the class. im not gonna explain that one. all i can say is it aint trickin if u got it.
today started a new slew of issues. but im too tired to deal with them all. just kno that for the next two weeks im gonna be at my breaking point. inspirational blogs will be appreciated. hope all is going well for all my faithful readers

YAY!

so one of my FAV blogs to read is just lia. she has amazing quotes, great links, and she's honest. her blog is one of the first ones i check. so please try to imagine my excitement about a min ago when i notice that she has a link for my blog on her blog! omg! she knows i exist! its like if a celeb had YOUR # stored in their phone. idk im geeked.


...haha i'm just being a dork.
is it sad that that just made my day?

lets put some perspective on it.

i used to have a team. a group of people who i could vent to about my life and come up with the best solution for the situations i always get myself into. there was more than one because, lets be honest i NEVER share all my sides to just ONE person. anyways if one person wasn't right for the situation the other 2 would be. i have enough friends that when one fell off, i could mold someone else to fill the void. generally it was always the one space that was temporary. Brandon and Ashley remain the same and it was that third person who remained in rotation.
somehow i lost that.
i barely talk to ashley or brandon. (nothing happened, just life. i live 3,000 mi away so life happens) the people who have held the temporary position have moved on with their lives and found a new job.
but my life isnt getting less unnecessary. esp with this campaign coming in 3 weeks.
im freakin out.
Taylor is halfway MIA and i haven't spoken to (or AIMed, or Emailed, or Text) Michael in at least a month. im starting to freak out.
i think thats why i tried to reach out to people i banned myself from contacting.
luckily GOD is looking out for my well being.
Person A* that im not allowed to speak to recently deleted his myspace. im not aware of a FB and not bold or desperate enough for a phone call.
Person B* has turned off the text msg ability on their phone. no FB and i kno they dont check their myspace.
that leaves me with...
Person C* this is probably the one who is best for my well being. they responded to my email. and restored hope and also opened my mind to scary possibilities. i kno im the only person who loves person C as much as i do and i kno that person C has my best interest in mind. they are not materialistic or trying to sleep with me. ive known them my entire life, even if it wasn't as well as i could. still. i gave person A and person B more than one chance and yet person C is rarely ever afforded one chance. they are not bad because of their character, they simply make the wrong choices and deal with the wrong people. if they can survive this, we can come out stronger.


*names have been changed

btw i had a bunch of tests and my computer wasn't working so sorry i've been MIA. was this on topic?

what a concept.

some people are good concepts. yes i meant concepts. they look great on paper and seem to have great attributes to comment on, but the actual application doesn't quite work. on the other hand, there are people who aren't such a great concept. you stumble when trying to come up with some standard good qualities to talk about, and yet they work.
i've been roped into a few concepts in the past.
the guy who had good grades in high school, played sports, nice car, and a good job. he is really a jerk with confusing motives and even more confusing conversation. sure he's cute enough but why settle for cute enough without the personality?
there is the friend who seems to have it all. cute clothes, looks put together, boys chasing after her, and funny. but then you look a little deeper and notice all these traits that dont work in friendship... insecure, jealous of you based off that insecurity, a little crazy, lying, and whoring herself out. its like there was a double life and you didnt kno there was another person under that mask.
am i talking about someone specific? of course. all my insights are based off of experience. but there are more than one experiences coming into play here.
the good thing is, after you get over the concepts, you start to appreciate the people who aren't concepts. those friends who don't seem to have it all together, the guys who are still working on themselves.
too often we are looking for people to fit these concepts that society tells us we need in our lives.
its not that simple.
personally its the quirky ones that make me happiest. its the people who don't pretend to have it all together that i find are the realest. they aren't so concerned with the image they project and instead are concerned with being true to themselves. the ones who look good on paper are just like paper; 2 dimensional and at the first sign of resistance, they fly away.

love of my life.

so i was chillin at home (enjoying the itis i gave myself from lunch) when i get a random call from my ex. he always seems to call me around holidays...Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines day, 4th of July, etc. i'm not a rude person so i humor the conversation. turns out it was worth it. i found my new true love. the NEW 2012 mustang that is supposed to come out. its soooo sexy...here's a pic



this is my motivation for good grades. mayb i can convince someone to buy this for me when i graduate...

valentines day set

here are some essentials for the big day i put together on polyvore when i was bored...


Valentines day necessities - by ms_ellay on Polyvore.com

sappy ish.

i miss being honest with you. i hate that i can't be 100% honest with just anyone and i can't talk to you anymore. i kno i'm a big girl and can get thru these things all by myself, but for once its about what i want. and deep down i want you. i hope you read this. if not, im just happy i got it out in the universe. thats what a blog is for right?
besides, im allowed to be a sap this close to valentines day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!!!

yay ur finally 20!
hpe ur out having fun on ur birthday! (really hope u didnt actually forget ur birthday)

im sure most of you guys are friends with C.Jervis so don't forget to hit him up and tell him Happy Birthday!!!

love love love.

although i don't have a valentine (since Erin doesn't wanna b my valentine) i still love the holiday. i really just like all holidays. i love to celebrate. boys are stupid but it doesn't mean that with some guidance they cant be good for something on this holiday. so remember boys, it really is the thought that counts. balloons, flowers, cards, candy. all of these simple cheap things can brighten someones valentines day. who knows, you might get lucky with the right combo/girl. for those of you who aren't going to give into the holiday, there will be plenty of things for anti-valentines day people. and for those of you who are alone but still want to be all sentimental, round up your single friends and have a movie night with snacks and desserts! i don't kno what i'm gonna get into for valentines day, but i'm young, single, and its on the weekend so anything is possible. eh now i'm rambling like always so i better do some work. happy Sunday!

impatient.

i don't kno about anyone else but one of my biggest pet peeves is when people are flakes. it really pisses me off. i may be late, but i always go to the places i say i will. i don't understand why people make plans and then don't even consider letting someone kno that they changed their mind. its an issue. its happening way to often and it needs to be addressed. i'm not talking about saying you're going to a party, i mean those one on one meetings and outings with friends that you just never show up for. all of a sudden you forgot how to answer the phone and cant be reached while that person is waiting on you. i understand that we all have emergencies, we lose phones, and situations arise where we cant be where we need to, but if this is something you are doing on a regular basis, mayb you should think about why you keep doing it. because the people you leave waiting for no good reason wont wait forever, soon you wont be invited because they figure you will just not show up...the point is don't think you're irreplaceable. because i have replaced too many people to kno that you aren't.

sorry.

i kno i should post more often but im not much of a writer.
i always have random moments in conversation when i say (usually to myself), "im gonna blog about this" and then by the time i get home, i forgot what i wanted to say. or i have lots of random things i wanna talk about and i never kno where to start so i just read other blogs and forget to post. so for those of you other bloggers/readers who check in from time to time to see if i posted anything meaningful, sorry. i always have a million thoughts running thru my mind and cant pick one to write about.... thats why a lot of my posts are so late, i cant ever sleep cause i think too much. antyways...if you have any random topics you wanna kno my opinion on, just ask cause i love to talk about random stuff.
btw thanx for the get well comments! im feeling better! yay! now i just gotta work on my campaign...